My Week So Far

"You're getting old," they say, "It's only downhill from here."

Such words of comfort! Please speak more of them to me, gentle folk.

I understand Catch-22 now, all the nonconsecutive skipping through time.

Perhaps it is karma. I taunted my father with the typical gag gifts one gets on a fiftieth birthday. Now the universe has decided to "even the score."

The doctor shrugs, "Don't know what it is. I know what it's not, but not what it is."

He prescribes me a tiny pill. Thank goodness for four dollar prescriptions at Wal-Mart. They make me drowsy. They make me incoherent.

Misty

"Misty. Misty. Hey, Misty!"

"Shut up!" Misty says out loud. Other library patrons give her weird stares, but she doesn't notice.

"Nobody can hear me except you, Misty," the voices reminds her.

"Maybe I don't want to hear you either. Ever think of that?" Misty thumbs through a back issue of Scientific American. "Maybe I don't want a voice in my head all the time telling me to do things."

A woman walks past Misty.

"Her! Kill her," the voice says.

"See, this is what I'm talking about!" Misty says. "Okay, but this is the last time, and I mean it!"

The Obstruction Party: The Party of Ideas

"The Galactic Federation is expecting us to move forward on Universal Health Care, and that is what my administration will do. We have incorporated ideas from all fifty-seven major political parties. This is a quinquageseptpartisan bill, and we will pass it even if we have to go through the Amalgamation Process to push it through."

"That was President Lovenstein earlier today," says B'jnktl the news alien, "We are joined now by Obstruction Party Chairman Betelgeuse Titanium."

"We oppose the President, and he cannot say that he has quinquageseptpartisan support!"

"But the Obstruction Party opposes everything all the time," B'jnktl says.

"Precisely!"

~~~
More stories concerning Galactic Federation Politics

Secrets

"This doesn't leave this room. Got it?" Steve's face was as menacing as he could manage. "I don't want to have to kill you."

"Why would I tell anyone? It's perfectly normal for an adult male to be into," Amanda snickered, "My Little Pony."

"Not so loud! You don't know who might be listening."

Amanda took control of herself again, "Come on, Steve. Who would care that you—" stifled laughter bubbled at the back of Amanda's throat until she couldn't hold it anymore. "I'm sorry. This is gold!"

"Last time I ever open up to you."

"Oh, cry to your pony!"

Murder!

"If it pleases the court," Robby stretched invisible suspenders with his thumbs, "I may not be some smooth-talkin' city lawyer, but I think I know a thing or two about the law."

"What are you doing, Mr. Firth?" the judge inquired.

"I intend to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Mr. Holland was nowhere near the scene of the crime the night of the murder!"

"Murder? Mr. Firth, this is not a murder trial. This is traffic court and you were caught doing 47 in a 35."

"I plead insanity, your honor!"

"In this we are in total agreement."

Damien

Damien's hand hovers in a reluctant pause just short of the door. He grimaces then backs away slowly leaving his hand suspended at the door for as long as he can. With a sigh Damien drops his hand and turns away.

Click. Rrrrt. The door creaks open.

"Damien? Damien, is that you?"

He turns with a forced smile, "Hey, Julie."

Julie's arms are crossed, "What are you doing here?"

"I was just leaving."

"Let me go, Damien."

"That's the thing," he says, "I can't, Julie. I love you."

She sighs because she loves him, too. "I can't keep riding this rollercoaster."

Semantics

"We are gathered to mourn the passing of Lenora Gillespie," Pastor Sciutto said. "Lenora was taken much too soon from us when she was tragically struck by a meteorite."

"Meteor," called someone in the audience.

"Excuse me?"

"She was struck by a meteor. It's a meteorite once it lands."

"Yeah," Pastor Sciutto said, "it landed on her."

"But it was still in the air when it hit her," called the man, "so technically it was still a meteor on impact."

"Fine! Fine! Meteor! Lenora was taken much too soon from us when she was tragically struck by a meteor! Happy?"

"Quite."

February

The groundhog said it would be bad. The groundhog has a bad habit of understatement. Winter comes in like a lion, stays like a lion, and goes out like a lion; and a groundhog is to blame. Or the weatherman. I like blaming the weatherman.

Ice covers everything like an uncomfortable transparent blanket. My opaque blankets beckon me to return to bed, and I wish I could acquiesce. I cannot use the weather, or the weatherman, or a groundhog, or a lion or anything else as a scapegoat.

It seems February is always this way and how it will probably remain.

Bittersweet Reunion

"You're not as I remember," Jennifer Howe sipped lightly from her steaming cup, "but I can't quite place my finger on it."

"It has been a few years. I don't believe I'm the same man you knew at all," Kowalski smiled.

"You still have your old smile," Jennifer smiled as well, "You're not completely different. I'm sorry, would you like some coffee?"

"No thank you, Jenn. I'm afraid I didn't come for the reunion. You remember Lesley?"

"Lesley Park? Yes, I remember her."

"She's dead," Darrin Kowalski's voice faltered, "She's dead, Jenn."

"I don't understand," Jennifer said, "How?"

"I killed her."

The Interrogation

"What is your name, child?" Dragon's rotting breath hit Mouse with the force of a truck. Her eyes welled up with tears partly from the stench, partly from fear. "Your name, child," Dragon demanded.

"Mouse," she squeaked.

Dragon smiled a crooked yellow-brown smile that made Mouse gag. "An appropriate name for such a delicate creature. Tell me, Mouse, where do you come from?"

"From beyond—" Mouse's voice cracked. Her throat was so dry it hurt to speak. "—the mountains."

"What brings you so far from home?" Dragon's one good eye was fixed on Mouse.

"The sickness. I'm the only one left."