Tag Archives: zombies

James Monroe
Fifth President
Served March 4, 1821 – March 4, 1825
Party: Democratic-Republican

Born: April 28, 1758 in Westmoreland County, Virginia
Died: July 4, 1831 in New York City, New York
Favorite City: Monrovia

James Monroe was the last president who was a Founding Father. He fought in the Revolutionary War, studying law under Thomas Jefferson, was a delegate in the Continental Congress, served as Governor of Virginia, negotiated the Louisiana Purchase as Ambassador to France, and served as Secretary of State and Secretary of War during the War of 1812. But James Monroe became a national hero during the Panic of 1819.

In the summer of 1819, President Zombie Alexander Hamilton could not contain his brainlust to the occasional Congressional aide, and began to feast on the general population, causing the “zombie fever” to spread rapidly throughout the United States. James Monroe quickly organized militias around the country to stave off the zombie threat. Approximately a third of the American population was lost, but Monroe came out as the savior of the people, and won the election of 1820 with a nearly unanimous Electoral College victory. With what remained of the Congress, Monroe quickly passed the Zombie Eradication Acts of 1821, and brought peace to the fledgling nation.

This led to the period known in American history as the “Era of Good Feelings,” since everyone alive felt good about not being a zombie.

President Monroe’s greatest contribution as president was the Monroe Doctrine, a policy declaring that European powers would no longer be allowed to meddle in the affairs of independent nations in the American continents. That was the United States’ job now. And so began a long and proud tradition of the United States intervening, conquering, invading, annexing, policing, and intimidating Central and South American nations. God Bless America!

Preceded by Zombie Alexander Hamilton
Succeeded by John Quincy Adams